Hurts so much!
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One time I came home to find a hummingbird had flown into the house. S/he was trying desperately to find a way out via the skylight. I donāt know what prompted me to wet a sponge (sopping wet), but as soon as I did, the bird landed on my finger to drink from the sponge. Iāll never forget feeling that tiny heartbeat through his/her feet.
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Thanks to you and everyone who has offered condolences.
The weirdest part of this is how much the dynamics have changed in the house with the other two cats. They arenāt acting like they miss her so much but theyāve been much calmer. Itās hard to explain. I guess itās strange for them too.
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Itās from the Hobbit movie set in NZ. The originals werenāt built to be permanent, but then Tolkien became da bomb. And they were rebuilt, with some of them with interiors.
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It still angers me when I hear (or read) testimonials from people who were bullied. I was the anti-bully in high school. Whenever someone picked on someone helpless, I found a target for my own anger issues.
I wasnāt built like a tank or anything. I simply had an older, much bigger, adopted brother with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome and a hair-trigger temper. I took every opportunity to learn how to defend myself. My father was retired Royal Canadian Medical Corps and had some great mentors to hook me up with.
I have never started a physical fight in my life, but I finished everyone I ever engaged in.
My 30th reunion was in June 2019. My girlfriend took to calling me Bruce Lee after everything she heard from former classmates. Still, I look back on my conduct with some guilt. My motives were not so much altruistic as they were cathartic. I channeled my aggression and directed it at those I allowed myself to hate (bullies) to give my anger an outlet.
I guess my point here is to acknowledge your pain from those experiences, and to express my admiration for you coming to terms with yourself at 21. Iām still working on it as I approach 50. Am I the best father, the best partner, the best boss I can be? Is my track record something to truly be proud of? Have I given more than I received?
Is the lack of a definitive answer to these questions a curse, or a blessing?
I know one thing, as Iāve grown older I am a lot less judgemental.
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Sorry to hear that. It is hard and takes time to work out you did your best, did the right thing.
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In the south east corner of Arizona at the northern end of the Chiricahua mountain range is the tiny settlement of Portal. There was a gent who had a trailer there and he would set up feeders inside his trailer. The hummers would happily fly thru his place and eat. This guy was famous among local birders. I donāt know if he is still doing this or not. I knew about it a couple decades ago.
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Twenty years is a long life for a cat. I can commiserate on your loss as on April 12th we lost our cat named Ferrous. He was called that due to his iron grey long fur. He was 18 years old when he passed away peacefully here at home. He had a terminal lymphoblastic leukemia. I had lost my beloved hound last July at an ER vetās hospital and our boss cat the previous December at our local vetās office. I thought āno more cold sterile office for Ferrousā ā¦ we wanted him to pass in surroundings he knew and was comfortable in. And he did.
My sympathies to you.
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Dear Seth;
The media understands. They just donāt care as long as it sells eyeballs.
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Yeah, but thatās ok. All those things were culturally appropriated before their particular favorite Germans invaded Great Britain and labelled the natives āForeignerā in their own languageā¦ WƦlisc, or āWelshā.
Gotta admit, when you look at it that way, you can see what the appeal is for these guys. Iām sure theyād love to label Native Americans and Nahuatl all as āForeignersā.
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Iāve never gone to school reunions. Once in 8th grade a kid tried to bully me. We were walking in line to a gym class. This kid kept poking me in the back calling me names. I got angry and turned and whacked him on the nose with my fist. I was surprised how my hand stung and stopped. He got a bloody nose. We both were in trouble because this altercation happened right in front of the school head master. He witnessed the whole thing. I got sent home that day. My dad asked what happened and when I told the truth of it he smiled and said ābullies gotta be confronted. See if you can be friends.ā. The next day that kid apologized and we were friends of a sort afterward.
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At every critter passing I notice a profound change in the energy of the house. Since December 2019 weāve lost a dog and two cats. We have just one cat now and it feels way too quiet. The one cat we have is a recovering feral guy who feels so very uncomfortable outside the bedroom/bathroom/cat porch he knows. The rest of our house is big and unknown and scary to him even though there are no closed doors to him.
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Well if we talking about dead cats, mine died on April 13th after I had gone to bed. The 13th was the day I got my first COVID shot. I came home and we had a good long nap together. Neville hadnāt be in good health this past year, and I knew that he wouldnāt live to 20.
This is Neville in 2007 when he was 3 y/o.
So now itās weird here. This house was built in 1961-62. In 1964-65 when my older sister was in kindergarten Mom brought home the first house cat. And from that time until today this house has always had a cat in it. This is whatās weirding me out, the lack a presence of another being.
As an adult I lived in an apartment by myself for a year before I got my own cat. But in this house we started off with single cat, and then ended with a single cat. And through the years we mostly had a cat and a spare. This is first time without a cat in 56 years.
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It is never easy. We bond and they leave. Always too soon. But there is joy in the memory, however long. I catch myself in the afternoon when I think "wait, shouldnāt I be feeding the dog? Or, āwhere did Spanky get to, he should be getting his medicineā. There is this energy hole that I notice with these passings. Itās palpable.
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Iām so sorry. 2019 was that year for meā¦ my 17 and 15-year old cats died in August and October. I still find myself looking to the back door, half-expecting to see a little orange face wanting to come in.
Thatās how it was for Julius. He wasnāt sick, justā¦ old, and done. Born in the back yard, mostly an outdoor cat until he was 14 or so and started wintering in the house. He went overnight, curled up in the den, on a warm spot in the floorboards.
Yeah. We had cats here for over 30 years. From one indoor cat to a whole breeding ground out back (damned clever matriarch refused to be caught) until finallyā¦ from 3 to none in the course of 2019.
Three weeks ago some friends of mine asked me to take in their cat, because they were moving. Sheās seven. Itās been niceā¦ but sheās an ill-mannered sod who was never taught not to draw blood at a whim, so Iām mildly irked at my friends. 
But sheās learning, and Iāve really missed having a cat around the house.
Yeah. Yeah there is. But things will get better. I mean, eventually they have to, right?
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Exactly, my routine was check water bowl. find cat, give cat medicine, and clean the cat pan.
But like I said this house has not not had at least one cat in it since '66. And I think thereās an energy we pick up even if the cat isnāt in the room.
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I got Neville and his companion cat Minerva from a friend I worked with. I was just suppose to take care of the two cats until she got some things settled in her life. She and her husband were getting a divorce, trying to sell their house, and she had 1 year son.
So I took the two in in 2007 and Neville was here until 13th. His companion cat died several years ago, then Simon our cat died a few years after Minerva, and now Neville.
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Ah, that explains the design fails (only fails if youāre making a real house for people to live in). As a total fantasy conceit, a completely circular door might seem like a cool idea but no serious architect would design a real door like that