Next up:
There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in A Shoe
Who Had so Many Children she got distracted and left her guns loaded and unlocked where the children could find and play with them, so 3 of them ended up dead from bullets to the dome.
I love that one.
Next week, weāll dive into the riveting tale of the Ugly Duckling who got so sick of the other ducklingsā taunting him at school, that he brought his fatherās AR-15 to school and shot 15 other ducklings.
Iām afraid the NRA is pitching its newest marketing ploy to deaf ears. The kids today (my grandkids) donāt know about Hansel and Gretel or Red Riding Hood, or if they do itās only in passing. Itās what happens when a bunch of old farts try to sell something without knowing their audience.
Liāl Red Riding Hood Wastes the Big Bad Wolf with her .357!!!
(head in hands)
I prefer the prequel - There once was a young woman who was unable to access reproductive health care and didnāt know what to do.
Its a little racier, but if she had a gun back then, maybe she couldāve chased off some of those baby daddies.
The Three Little Pigs now sees our wolf, an obese, chain-smoking channel surfer without the lung capacity to huff and puff and blow down anything, carrying his [insert gun name here] into the woods. Wolf comes across Industrious Hog Commune, raises his weapon and mows them all down in āa hail of bulletsā. Wolf moves into the House Made Out of Bricks and lives off of ham and bacon for weeks until Wolf dies of a massive heart attack becauseā¦ Obama
(still need to work on that ending)
Next up:
The 3 little pigs stand their groundā¦
The Emperorās New Kevlarā¦
The Pied Piper gets his fairy ass run out of town. Weāll Keep our rats, thanksā¦
Snow White and the Seven Sovereign Citizensā¦
The Man Child who Cried Theyāre Cominā for Your Gunsā¦
Jack the Giant Killer (more of a reboot)
The sociopaths of the NRA are capable of anything, even defending the slaughter of innocent children.
As is the case with all fairy tales, life is a little more complex. I expect that when Rumpelstiltskin returned and the new queen took her .357 out from under the pile of straw she was spinning into gold, the gun went off and killed the new baby in the crib, and thenā¦
Thereās a real problem with Hansel and Gretel - they actually broke (and ate) the witchās house. She could have blasted them under Stand Your Ground, and eaten both at the same time.
ā¦ādepraved marketing campaignā ā¦
Yep
NRA fairy tales with guns is something that only Leni Riefenstahl could have done justice to.
#opencarryopenbarGOPconvention
I think the word you were looking for is psychopaths.
psychopath |ĖsÄ«kÉĖpaTH|
noun
a person suffering from chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behavior.
Dear NRA,
Please feel free to continue to do anything ā ANYTHING, at all ā¦ no matter how outrageous. We promise to attack any criticism of your crimes as an attack on the God-given Second Amendment rights of the stupid people who vote for us. Itās people like you who make our own lives worth living! 
Yours in āpublicā service,
Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan
PS Please remit payment to the āBluegrass Committeeā and āProsperity Actionā (our respective PACs).
Here comes Peter Cotton Taill hopping down the bunny trail, with an UZI,and AK 47. BLAM! Your dead. The kids love that story,itās so festive.
Canāt wait to see what the Unicorn is packinā. Glitter ammo to be sure. Perhaps the horn is a canon. Pew Pew Pew!
If find this interesting in a sick literary-critic way. Because the whole point of all those fairy tales is that the good weak people get to outwit the evil strong people, or get rescued by another good person because the evildoer has gotten into an untenable situation. This basically changes things into āthe only way to outwit the evil strong person is to be stronger and more ruthless than they are.ā
Yep, depraved.
Once upon a time , there were three little pigs. A wolf came to their house and tried to blow it down! But one of the pigs were packing a semi-automatic and he blew that #@!$&* wolf down. Second Amendment %$#@!
The wolf survived but is a shell of his former self. The pig who was packing is doing a ten year stretch in maximum. He still thinks shooting someone in the face is a responsible response to a trespasser.
The other two pigs have PTSD.
The end.
.
Sweet dreamsā¦
Everyone knows this is a method of ābrain washingā! I do not want my infant or toddler child to be brain washed while reading them a bedtime nursery rhyme.
NRA, you are stupid and you have lost your usefulness!