Discussion: MIA Melania Is Choosing To Stay Off The Grid

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21

Her projectile vomiting every time Trump disrobes is probably what dehydrated her and made doctors think she was poisoned.

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22

The best get-well card. He always gets the best get-well cards. Until now, presidents — and I’ll be honest: presidents from both parties — have purchased very bad get-well cards.

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23

Every time she does something though she’s plagiarizing Michelle Obama! Good choice, but still. She’s just waiting for it all to be over and hoping it’s soon.

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24

Theories:

  1. Trump punched her in the face and the black eye is healing.
  2. After she said she wanted to protect kids from cyberbullying, Trump said “you’ll never model in this town again” and cut her face with a switchblade.
  3. She’s moved over to Mueller’s camp now.
  4. She’s literally move over to Mueller’s camp — is living at the Special Prosecutors office.
  5. She threatened to move over the Mueller’s camp and is now being held prisoner in the White House.
  6. Zoolander performed a rescue mission.
  7. She escaped to Slovenia. The secret police there are still looking for her in every village and on every farm.
  8. Suicide attempt.
    …

C’mon. C’mon, folks … what else?

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25

Running a child molestation ring out of a DC Pizza parlor?

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26

On speaker phone from her new home in NYC.

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27
  1. Taking English lessons.

( Comment nanny changed my 9 for a 1.)

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29

I wish our First Lady a speedy recovery. And I wish our President a speedy exit from public life.

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30

“Sadly, we deal with conspiracy theories all the time, so this is nothing new, just more silly nonsense,” Grisham told Politico.

A classic case of projection if I ever saw one…

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31

Yes, she married Donald Fucking Trump to avoid being “in a media landscape she finds overwhelming to begin with.”

Sorry, honey, but I call bullshit.

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32

My mom had several facelifts. She got one of the old-style “cut & stretch” types in the 80’s, and it was horrible. Lots of bleeding and swelling, stitches, weeks of recovery. And it was very noticeable that she’d had work done. But she had another type in the early aughts where the surgeon just removed little football shaped pieces of skin, then held the edges together with medical tape. She healed up nicely. I saw her in full daylight two weeks later, and could barely tell she’d had anything done. With the laser treatments she had, it took about a week for her to be ready to go out in public and the effects were pretty subtle. If my mom could get those kinds of procedures done, I’m sure Melania has access to those or even better. So I just can’t believe she’s recovering from a facelift.

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33

Deported by ICE for lying on her “Einstein visa?”

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34

To be fair, Donny has asked about her whereabouts before:

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35

Well, going through surgery can “reorder” a person’s priorities. She may have taken a good long look at herself and her predicament and said “fuck it! I’m out!!”

She married the oozing prick in the first place, though, so no empathy from me.

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36

Does Michael Avenatti include divorce in his practice?? Just sayin’!!

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37

Like the rest of the White House staff, this spokeswoman Grisham is just not competent and can’t do her job. Melania Trump can’t play some kind of White House Greta Garbo.

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38

Rehab. She’s in rehab.

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39

Melanoma marrying Drumpf is right up there with Anna Nicole Smith marrying that 89-year old codger. No way in hell does Slovenia Sally want to be anywhere near the Orange Oaf. It’s revolting to see women so obviously gold dig knowing that they have no real attraction other than to the old fart’s wallet. A life wasted to be sure.

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40

If it wasn’t for that damn NDA, she would probably be back in Slovenia enjoying herself.

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41

A few days ago we were making Proof of Life jokes. Must have been the Ambien, because they aren’t funny anymore. Just the facts, Grisham.

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