You elided the most important part: Treason is the only crime defined in the Constitution. It's defined as
Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort. No person shall be convicted of treason unless on the testimony of two witnesses to the same overt act, or on confession in open court.
None of what Fat Nixon is complaining about comes close to meeting this definition. His up-close-and-personal relationship with his Uncle Vlad comes a lot closer, but even there I don't think it quite reaches the definition.