Lying is breathing for him, and he does both through his mouth.
Within 30 days of inauguration he’d come out for a national ban of 16 weeks.
Well. Certainly didn’t see this coming. At all. /s
Let us know how the impending vet visit goes.
The picture of idiocy totality right there
Donnie is a political cross dresser! What a sow cow!!
Love Borowitz. Its truly a cautionary tale for us all.
Time to start taking and selling property.
ETA. I’ll give $250 for that golf course in Jersey. It’s worth a little more but there is a grave to be moved and that can be expensive.
Dumbasses
Of course, our dear Gary Peterson has something to say.
On this Eclipse Day, we honor the rare moment that the kingdom of heaven passes between our earth and sun, inspiring us to repent and put true America First patriots in Washington or else wake up with an assfull of locusts. #Eclipse2024 pic.twitter.com/yDyTE4Jk5U
— Gary Peterson 🇺🇸 (@GaryPetersonUSA) April 8, 2024
Bran??? Lol, they corrected it at the New Yorker.
That’s because sane Republicans (ha!) know that it will be tough running against this record:
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Create 15 million new jobs;
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Have the unemployment rate under 4% for 26 straight months;
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Have over 16 million small businesses apply for new business applications;
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Have nationwide crime at record-low levels;
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Begin over 51,000 new infrastructure projects and counting;
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Fully vaccinate over 230 million Americans to ease the suffering of a global pandemic;
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Pump out a record average of nearly 13 million barrels of oil per day;
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Strengthen NATO through historic and new partnerships;
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Repeatedly stand up to the thuggish leader of Russia;
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Outpace Chinese economic growth for the first time in 45 years;
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Have Mexico replace China as the country’s top exporter to the U.S.;
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Establish the United States as South Korea’s top export market;
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Take out an Al-Qaeda co-conspirator of 9/11 in a drone strike;
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Protect 1.5 million acres of land through new national monuments;
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Provide $1.5 billion for farmers for conservation efforts;
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Wipe out $1.3 billion of debt for 36,000 farmers through a farm relief program; and
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Invest over $770 million in rural broadband throughout the country.
Yeah, who wrote it for him? You know he didn’t write it himself because it wasn’t in all caps.
My favorite part:
Perhaps even more troubling, the legal document from Knight Specialty Insurance Company doesn’t actually promise it will pay the money if the former president loses his $464 million bank fraud case on appeal. Instead, it says Trump will pay, negating the whole point of an insurance company guarantee, according to three legal and bond experts who reviewed the contract for The Daily Beast.
“This is not common… the only reason this would be done is to limit the liability to the surety,” said N. Alex Hanley, an expert in how companies appeal enormous judgments.
I imagine that there are assurances being sent even as we write. “Don’'t worry, TFG is still planning on signing a total ban. Even if he has to do it via executive order, we know that SCOTUS will back it up.”
Trump tells donors he wants immigration from “nice countries,” like Denmark, Switzerland, and Norway.
But what about immigration from those countries you really love, donnie? Countries like Russia, Saudi Arabia, and North Korea. Do you want them as well?
And what’s to entice the Danes, Swiss and Norwegians to leave their homes to come live in the brutal authoritarian dictatorship you plan on installing here? Is the allure of living in a White Christian Nationalist hellhole going to be enough for them to pull up stakes.
And donnie, will these perfect white immigrants be allowed in our racist paradise without first ‘doing you a favor’? I’m sure you can think of something to balance the scales, amirite?
It’s satire.