Seven Reasons Listicles Didn’t Suck, Actually (And One Of Them May Surprise You)

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Originally published at: Seven Reasons Listicles Didn’t Suck, Actually (And One Of Them May Surprise You) - TPM – Talking Points Memo

“The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of Ten Best.” —H. Allen Smith. The listicle — that staple of 2010s digital journalism — was often maligned, not least by other journalists. The format was decried as lazy, on the part of both publishers and consumers, in an age of…

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Damn good headline!

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I blame Mr. Franklin:

Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress

June 25, 1745

My dear Friend,
…
But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

  1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.
  2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.
  3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.
  4. Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin’d to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.
  5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.
  6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.
  7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.
  8. [thly and Lastly] They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.

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What the hell is this crap occupying er, I mean, wasting space on TPM’s front page?

Or on TPM at all?

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Because TPM is pretty obviously inviting guest writers to do a retrospective of journalism trends during TPM’s existence? I’ve seen at least a half dozen different articles from people with different media backgrounds.It’s a bit meta for non-journalists, maybe, but I’ve been enjoying the variety of different perspectives on our recent media ecosystem.

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500 years ahead of his time.