I’ve had it. I am so fed up with ALL of these curs.
As a result, and because I’m feeling particularly cranky today, I’m announcing some exciting new products you’ll come to know and love — just in time for Xmas!
First is the Trebutinette®, a desk-top model of my wildly popular Trebutine®, the delightful trebuchet-guillotine hybrid that Combines the brutality of a beheading with the spectacle of a pumpkin toss, since 2018!™
The idea was borne of my growing desire to take “certain people” and strap them to a chair with their hands trussed in a specially designed companion apparatus — called a Fzinger!®* — that will immobilize their hands and splay their fingers for ease of insertion into the Trebutinette® … as you play my exciting new parlor game Lop-and-Launch™!
Imagine the fun you’ll have dismembering people like, say, Steve Mnuchin. Will he grimace as you systematically separate him from his digits — Will you be able to tell? — before strapping him into your Trebutine® for the ultimate “Wheeeeeee!”?
… Son of a gun, I’m feeling better already. Aren’t you?
Note: Only 72 shopping days 'til Xmas!
*Trebutine®, Trebutinette®, Fzinger® and Lop-and-Launch™ sold separately or as a set. Gift wrapping available. Not sold in stores.