Discussion for article #239254
âWhy is America celebrating the beating of a black child?â asked Stacey Patton, an opponent of corporal punishment, in the Washington Post.
âBeatingâ?. Yes, she got physical to get his ass out of there, but in no way would I call that a beating. Go to a domestic abuse center if you want to see a âbeatingâ victim. Very poor choice of a word to describe what she did. What she did was good parenting for that situation. Any good parent would grab their kid and haul his/her ass out of there.
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This is hard for me. Iâm a survivor of child abuse, having said that I donât think a pop here and there to get a kids attention is a bad thing and in the midst of the potential that her son might become a statistic I think that Toya was desperate to get he sons attention and given the circumstanceâs she couldnât waste any time. Like she says her son could have very well become the next Freddie Gray, Michael Brown or Trayvon Martin. For Toya it is a no win situation aside from the simple fact that her son is still alive.
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Yes, she gave him a few attention grabbing slaps, this was not a beating. The look on the kids face was not pain, it was âmomma you are making me look bad in front of my friendsâ⌠Totally different from what you endured as an abuse survivor, not even the same planet.
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For the record, the author didnât use the term âbeatingââthe Washington Post writer did.
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Yes, I did not clarify that or copy the text in my comment.
I have edited the comment to show the link to the author. The article Patton wrote was pathetic.
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No funds for good police efforts like Police Athletic League n McGruff the Crime Dog? What about the $1 billion that DHS dispurses (acc to todayâs Guardian article re: Mil+gov funding of US police departments)? How is it that guns and equipment are placed in a mental box we call âsecurityâ and basic human relationships are not? I want to see DHS funding go to programs like the ones that went away in Baltimore.
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FACT: U.S. GOVERNMENT BEATS BLACK CHILDREN 'S ASSES IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS PAID FOR BY YOUR HARD EARNED FEDERAL TAX $$$ CREEPY! WHO IS SPANKING YOUR CHILD AT SCHOOL? SCHOOL PADDLING BLOG dot com LEGAL 19 STATES against parents wishes
WATCH AMERICAâS PUBLIC SCHOOL CHILDREN TO BOARD âSTOP HITTING US MAKING US FEEL WORTHLESSâ
NO SUPPORT from National Organizations to END BRUTALLY VIOLENT PUBLIC SCHOOL BEATINGS OF CHILDREN? http://ln.is/www.popvox.com/bills/JbjkO ⌠âŚ
Yes, race not even a factor here. ANY parent in that situation who dragged their kid out in such a great fashion would get just as many views. I saw a good mom dragging her kid out of a potentially dangerous situation the kid got himself into.
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See Non Violent Parenting Resources http://sparethekids.com/a-message-from-spare-the-kids-creator/ Helping Parents who hit rise above this slave heritage and http://www.beatingblackkids.com/ raise your skills, not your hands to discipline children
Thank you so very much for this article. A great, very informative read. I totally agree with MrComments above â Toya Graham did not beat Michael. What she did was a desperate attempt to get his 100% attention by landing a few good slaps. Beating is hitting with objects or a clenched fist, etc., or many hard slaps in a row. When I saw the video all those months ago, I did not at all get the feeling Ms. Graham was abusiveâwhat I witnessed, from my point of view, was a mother actually parenting. Yes, it might seem extreme, but look what might have transpired if she hadnât intervenedâshe said she spied a rock in his hand; that would be enough for me.
I really wish all our lawmakers and police personnel would be mandated to read this article. There is absolutely no excuse for the incredibly shitty funding for outreach programs. If done wellâand with sincerity by the law enforcement agenciesâthey pay for themselves hundreds of times over. If we are really that short on funding, then cut all corporate tax breaksâall of them, including farmingâand close all corporate loop holes, and dedicate those monies to well-thought out, community-input outreach programs.
Mama Shirley, you are an angel in disguiseâyou are a solid rock in your community. Baltimore law enforcement agencies would do themselves a world of favors if they spoke with you, listen to what you have to say, and take concrete steps to at being what they are supposed to be.
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A very important article. Terrible conditions can only be called an American nightmare that take great heart to navigate. Best wishes to Toya, Michael, and Mama Shirley.
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When the video in question first went viral, and Toya Graham and her son Michael were interviewed on CNN, NBC (as I remember) and elsewhere, I was saddened at how virtually all the questions from the interviewers focused on the actions of mother and son in that moment while almost nothing was said about the many important, eloquent statements they both made, especially Toya, about the conditions in which they live every day. So I am very pleased to see this wonderful article delve insightfully into their plight, reflecting the situation they and so many other black families face every day in America. To question whether Toya was ârightâ to hit Michael that day is so very far off the mark in terms of what we should be focusing on here. (And, to the extent that people say Toya was wrong, or even question her actions, tells me the depth of their understanding of the bigger picture here. And Iâm a person who is very much against spanking and has never lifted a hand against any of my children. But I am white, and thus more readily afforded that moral luxury.)
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To add to thisâŚwhat I saw in that video, even today, was a mother absolutely terrified her son was going to be gunned down by law enforcement at some point, and her helpless to stop it.
I saw fear in her that she would be the next one mourning the loss of her child.
I had my fair share of well-deserved wallops when I was young. None of which I would classify as abuse because goodness knows I deserved every one of the smacks I got, and every single one of them was borne out of fear rather than angerâŚit was no different than Toya and her son. I know the difference between abuse and discipline. What this mother did was disciplineâŚmuch like the sentence in the article stated, it was discipline borne of love and fear of loss moreso than anger. With the exception of maybe one or two spankings, most of the discipline meted out by my mother was because I had failed to keep her informed of where I was. I had failed in my responsibility as her child more than she failed as a parent.
This article was an excellent read, start to finish. Wish we could see more like this on TPM.
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Great post, JJRothery. You are so right about the fear in her eyes. She was scared to her core for her sonâs safety and his life â and that showed on her face and in her actions.
I am so glad to be able to read articles such as this. Growing up in a good-sized (five kids), poor white family, I can only imagine what folks like Toya Graham, her son, yourself, etc., go through. I have a good idea but never having lived my life like that, I only wish life was so different and better for the majority of African-Americans (anyone, really, but especially AAs because of Americaâs particular history here) who must live with these fears. It weighs so heavily and is wrong, wrong in so many ways.
I grew up in northwestern Virginia, pretty small town with a bad history with regards to the Civil Rights era and what changes came forth. However, I was fortunate to have the parents I hadâpretty progressive and non-judgmental for those times and their ageâthey fully understood what ALL parents go through raising children as best as possible. I was also VERY fortunate to be in the media-range of Washington, D.C.! We had cable but mostly I loved the fact we had multiple tv channels from Washington, Baltimore and surrounding area. This was the 70s. I was exposed to many shows that were aimed at black America. I also was a news buff and watched all the major DC local newscasts, as well as some Baltimore ones â talk about a great education that I sure as hell wasnât getting in the classroom. Plus, my dad fully encouraged me. I donât know exactly where Iâm going with all of this except to say that Iâm really glad I was exposed to a much broader part of the world around me and got to see a lot and try to understand a lot. Our nation is a really good one, but we will never fully be able to move forward until we delve a lot deeper into our history with regards to slavery to the Civil Rights right through to todayâs world and how that has led to what we have today.
I am but one person, but when these types of conversations come up and I hear falsehoods, I try and correct the inaccuracies. Everyone is different, but it depends on the age of the person, where they grew up, what church they go to, who they hang out with, their understanding of what equality really means, why some laws were put in place, how those laws are enacted, etc., but if possible, I try to engage them in a way that isnât confrontational. Something on their own level, but with the truth. I also vote and encourage others to do likewise. I live in a low-income building in Charlottesville, VA, and Iâm a little taken aback at the lack of voting. Many folks arenât very engaged so as to make an informed decision. When I can, I try to change that. Being an example is sometimes all it takes. I try.
Anyway â damn, I can ramble, canât I? My hat is off to Ms. Graham and to Mama Shirley â they help give me hope.
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When I was a Driver/Tour Guide in the Canadian Rockies people from all over the world always asked me one question. Why are Canadians so well mannered? I told them that we were all terrified of our moms. They laughed and while it was a bit of an exaggeration the core of the statement was true. From British Protestants to French Catholics and everyone in between, our moms were united on one thing. They had zero tolerance for bad manners. A hint of bad manners whether mom saw it or heard about it from another would immediately result in a smack in the head. Not a beating but a smack much like swatting a puppy with a rolled up newspaper or better, as a mother dog might nip at her pups when they fell out of line. While beatings were in our momâs arsenal they were reserved for egregious acts or attitudes. Not that we were choir boys around our friends but in public we sure were. As we grew up we found that good manners greased the wheels of social interaction making our lives much easier and far more pleasant and soon enough caught ourselves mimicking our parents when it came to disciplining our own children. Weird how that happens eh? (I had to include an âehâ just to prove my bona fides as a Canadian.)
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" In the early 1950s, blockbusting had fueled its transformation, as working class whites fled, replaced by blacks escaping overcrowding in the central city. Now the area competes with parts of northwest Baltimore for the cityâs highest homicide rate."
Why?
It wasnât a beating. It was sad to see a Mom knowing the potential consequences of her sonâs behavior. And the son, embraced and trying to duck out, but still respecting his momâs authority really. Itâs sad that these two people are caught in this maelstrom.
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Job, for starters. The miracle of global capitalism.
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Your whole post? SO true! I still laugh at the memory of her leaving the whole family at dinner in a Chinese restaurant to drive me home because I had been a smart mouth and wouldnât behave. Everyone got dinner that night outâŚI got a glass of water and bed at 7pm. I learned though. Servers always used to tell her what well behaved kids we were, and we all knew whyâŚbecause mom would have hailed down fire and brimstone if we werenât. (-;
My mother was my guidepost and the family disciplinarian. You brooked NO BS with mom. She just wasnât having it, and she raised 8 well adjusted, well mannered respectful kids who have done pretty well in life. Because she made it clear - in her own words - she wasnât sending any spoiled self centered a-holes out into the world with her surname. LOL
Respect is earned, when respect is given. And you learned respect at the foot of your parents.
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