Discussion for article #233745
I donāt want to seem uncaring, but I really donāt care about the why or why not of other peopleās sex lives.
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To each his own.
Thank you to Mr. Squire and TPM. You have given me a lot to think about. Mr. Squire, thank you sharing a bit of your journey. My best to you.
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What a wonderful perspective on a topic that isnāt much discussed in our sexually charged society. Many who are sexually active canāt even begin to grasp what celibacy is or what it might be like. Iāve been celibate for over 25 years and have never looked back.
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Interesting perspective. From my own point of view, having grown up in an environment where sex was something kept quietly in the bedroom and issues of āvirilityā and āmanlinessā were nonexistent, being involuntarily celibate for the past 10 years sucks balls (no pun intended).
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Tinder
People who choose celibacy remind me of guys who have a full head of hair but shave it. They have no idea how irritating unattractive and/or actually bald people find that. When someone goes for years without sex because no one is interested or shaves his head because he has no hair, the urge to punch one of these nozzles is barely restrainable.
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Meh.
Thanks for sharing so openly on a subject many will not appreciate. My spiritual path does not view celebacy as a higher calling but does suggest channeling it into marriage. Like you, as a modern man, my first reaction was one of befuddlement. My thought was this is silly; none of us are virgins. Why not sample sex with a partner before marriage. Anything less seemed, frankly, insane.
But over time I came to see the wisdom. We have turned sex into such a nothing when it can be a deeply spiritual event. Remaining chaste before marriage set sex aside as something sacred, to be shared only with one person and only in an environment of deep commitment.
The first woman I dated on this spiritual path wanted to go that route but I was not willing. We had sex, on and off, but she often felt regret afterwards. Other times she would initiate but then pull away. It was all such a struggle. We broke up many times over it. But when that relationship ended and I met the woman Iāve since married, we both embraced the opportunity to try something new. It was like, āThis is our chance to do things the right way.ā For us it was right.
Sex is very sacred and beautiful for us. Itās not the hottest sex Iāve ever had. We donāt do it all that often. And yet I wouldnāt trade this for another experience. Itās so intimate and so beautiful. In some ways it feels like weāre both 16, with totally pure hearts.
you donāt care so hard you just have to ocmment!
iām bald and it doesnāt irritate me when men shave their full heads of hair, though i am somewhat bemused by the choice.
Interesting view you have. As I mentioned above, Iāve been celibate for over 25 years. Firstly, it isnāt because Iām unattractive or donāt have the opportunity. In fact, itās really very much the opposite. Not to toot my own horn but Iām reasonably attractive and have what many consider a rocking athletic body for my age (54). So, yes most people are like you. They react with amazement and astonishment that someone who looks like me chooses celibacy! Iāve endured the comment āwhat a wasteā on several occasions. Generally, I just try to avoid talking about it at all. Sometimes I just lie and say Iām seeing someone. Iām not sure if thereās a way I can adequately address the topic because the reasons for making such a choice are so personal.
Yup, thatās about the size of it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I happen to be the proud owner of the worldās most irrelevant vaesectomy.
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My first reaction was ābig dealā. Then I saw the added āself-gratificationā clause. Never mindā¦
Iām a gay twenty-something (white) who has lived in New York off an on, and have abstained from sex for over three years. I live with my best friend, another gay twenty-something, very attractive guy who didnāt lose his virginity until age 26, and whose encounters are infrequent. Iām generally agnostic and heās an atheist.
Not sharing that because of some smug need to condescend, but because I think itās an issue, especially in the gay community, that few are willing to discuss. So, thanks! Personally, I havenāt really missed it, but itās fascinating to hear it from a different perspective.
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Iām completely OK with people living their lives as may seem best for them. I think thatās what America is all about. My own opinion is that us humans are happiest in the long run if we find a life partner. That and my children are the joy of my life. At the same time, I kind of wish the millenials had a relationship with their dictionary. āCelibateā means not married. What this person is describing is chastity.
Accusing the author of this quite well-written piece of not having āa relationship with [his] dictionaryā seems pretty unfair. In any case, ācelibateā means being either sexually abstinent, unmarried, or both (look it up). The author is using the word entirely correctly.
So, do you jack off? If so, then whatās the difference?
Why not take the more trad route and wait until after the third or fourth date? What difference would that make? How about limiting sex to being with people you really, really want to have sex with for a bunch of reasons?
Something both weird about selling a piece about this and also about going from lots of sex to none. Also, although Iām writing this, I also kind of donāt care.
Even with the pretty much equality of sexes in modern society, particularly modern urban society, men and women arenāt quite the same, and sex between men and women still is going to tend to have some certain dynamics. But between people of the same sex itās a different story, which isnāt dealt with at all here.
By the way, that completely inaccurate NYC cityscape graphic is kind of irritating. Itās more Vegas than NYC.