The article is quite unclear. “Letting someone in” can sometimes mean allowing someone who doesn’t have their key but claims to have a right to enter follow you through a door you unlocked. Or it can just mean not physically blocking access to the door.
The 911 call (and baysian prior of interactions between black men and white women strangers over the last couple of years) suggests the latter, which is what most commentators are assuming.
The former situation is always tough to navigate. Being a hardass and not letting people in doesn’t win you any friends and who hasn’t forgotten their key sometimes? But every true crime plot ever involves a trusting fool who lets the baddies through the locked gate. Walking the lettee to their door alleviates some of the guilt about breaking the rules. However, the subsquent 911 call suggests that this benign interpretation is unlikely.
She “demanded” nothing. Because she did not know him to be a resident, she simply wanted to close the door behind her and suggested that he could use the key-pad to open it again.
Neither does being defensive and rude to the person you want to let you into the building despite your not having a key or a combination.
After all, she started out by simply asking him what floor was his — and he wouldn’t even say, acting instead as if she is obliged to keep the door open for people she doesn’t know. That’s just silly, at best.
Mr. Toles handled the situation perfectly and showed grace and compassion in his statement after the incident. A model response to an unexpected bigot.
Nope. Not OK. He was incredibly polite and reserved. Never raised his voice. Never threatened anything. Even after saying what floor he lived one, mentioned the building manager “Rick”, etc.? What right did she have to prevent him going to his own home?
You need to put yourself in HIS shoes. Coming home, any normal day, and suddenly you’re confronted by someone at the front door blocking you entrance into your own apartment building?
If you were confronted, for no good reason, would YOU tell that crazy hun YOUR apartment number? Hell no! And the attitude she gave the entire time, not ONCE acknowledging even the slightest possibility that this man actually lived and rented there? Even in the elevator “I want to see who you are visiting”. and “I want to see what friend you’re visiting”, not, “I want to make sure it’s true you live here”…
She isn’t security and has absolutely no right or standing to do what she did. She called the police? Even AFTER he’d gone into his own apartment?? Did she call RICK?
It stinks to high heaven of racism, however shallow you may consider it. I grew up in and around it all my young life (my step-dad was an olive-skinned Greek, had an uncle who was black, friends from south central L.A.) and what you seem to be ignoring is the very real and constant “thrum” of racial assumption. “I live in an upscale apartment building. Blacks coming in are probably not supposed to be here because black people don’t have my bling…” or however you want to cast it.
She’s a PROPERTY MANAGER. The company who saw her behavior “in the field” was properly alarmed, and firing her was the right thing to do. Ask yourself, does she do this attitude thing with all their tenants of color?
I can say yes, it’s likely… I would have suggested she find a different line of work.
I think he handled the situation with remarkable patience, considering the woman had no right to obstruct his entry to his place of residence. He was in fact compassionate and graceful in politely asking the woman in a normal, soft speaking voice to please let him into his home.
ETA: Tole’s statement after:
“I appreciate all of the love and support. Like I said, don’t respond negatively. Don’t go after the lady. Let her be at peace. Let her live her life,” added Toles. “I am not mad at her. I am not upset with her. I am not going to go after her legally or anything like that. I wish her the best. I would still have a conversation with her,” said Toles.
I think this says plenty about the high quality of this man’s character.
Actually we don’t know how the conversation started out, because it is already going on when the video starts. And he isn’t asking her to hold the door open he is asking her not to block the doorway.
He was nothing but civil@!!! What video did you watch??? I hope this happens to you so you can experience it firsthand. If you were suddenly and randomly confronted and blocked at the door to your own apartment building, with someone questioning your right to be there at all, how long would it take you to start raising your voice? He didn’t. Not once.
To say he showed no grace or compassion is to simply add insult to injury.
I’m not going to further dignify your narrow view by getting upset any more than I already am. I’m out.
Yeah I’ve been thinking about this and I can think of a lot of white men who would never have been that patient at the front door to their apartment building, starting with my husband if he was coming home from work.
So at what point did “I just don’t feel comfortable with…” become a go-to excuse for blatant racism? I mean, is racism ok if you “don’t feel comfortable” with something? Then it’s ok? And how in hell did this woman get a job with a property management firm if she’s “not comfortable” with the idea that a black person could live in her building?
Depending on the day, I might’ve gotten MAYBE 15 seconds into that exchange and would’ve unleashed a brief but torrid stream of angry words and blown past her. If she’d followed me like that, I’d have been grilling her to find out her name, so I could report that crap to Rick the building manager.
But she wouldn’t have done that to me at all. Because I’m a pale-skinned euro-mutt… she wouldn’t have doubted my presence in her chi-chi building. Only that “person of color” who due to their Melanin levels must first PROVE they belong there…
This exact thing has been the interminable and endless intimidation used against blacks. That insidious reminder that maybe, just maybe they don’t “really” belong…
I despise the ignorance of people like her. The lack of self-awareness is embarrassing …
