Discussion for article #231839
It took me a while, but I finally figured out what this article is about. I saw the headline and assumed it was about a political tipping point, possibly because I am reading it on a political news site. As I read through the first half it seemed more like a dissertation on why people avoid having kids until later in life if they can.
Then I realized that it meant the tipping point between having an abortion and carrying a kid to term is when you can afford it. Seems like a fairly salient but obvious point, and that the point of the article is more of a personal examination than a society analysis.
I agree. I kept waiting for the personal stuff to morph into statistics (“X percent of mothers take their daughters to abortion clinics, a Y percent increase over 1990”). I liked the article but it is not the article that I intended to spend time reading.
After the criticisms of the piece yesterday here I want to say, Now that’s what I’m talking about! Excellent, well-written article. More of this, please.
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This is what choice is about: the ability to choose to do what is good for you and yours rather than be at the mercy of biological happenstance.
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This is thoughtful, using the personal voice for personal choices and gently sharing a life lesson in a way that leaves room for other people to choose differently. It’s new thinking on an issue awash in ideas already heard often. And yes, if TPM can offer further opportunities to see issues with this level of naunce, I’m looking forward to reading. Thank you!
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Indeed. The startling thing is that it simultaneously celebrates that freedom and a choice to use it to reproduce, in one piece. I’ve let my own voice be split: public political voice for everyone’s freedom, personal domestic voices for “I adored crossing the bridge into parenting, see how it also mattered for my larger family, and will certainly be pleased as punch if/when my own kids decide to expand our team.” This is a really interesting process of combining the two sets of thoughts.
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And some women never reach this particular tipping point. They should have the legal right to live their life without negative baggage that some will attempt to pile onto their individual decision to abort an ball of cells.
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I have two friends, an Iranian man and a Norwegian woman, who met and married. When she became pregnant, they moved (back for her) to Norway, because that country provides a full year of paid leave for new parents. Why can’t we have nice things like that?
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Very thoughtful piece. Very relatable from my own personal experience too in many ways.
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For what it’s worth, here’s what I told my 12 feminist book group buddies when I shared this with them on FB.
This is an early draft of a planned longer piece. At first I was a bit put off by the personalized approach, but as I read, it occurred to me that the personalized, the “I” in the story, is exactly often what we’re missing in standard journalism. So, yeah, I’m hoping at some point we’ll get the longer version that isn’t all about the perspective of one more educated white woman, but this is worth your time.
I’ll just copy and paste your post!
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I swear every time the the economy get rigged by some shitty quid-pro-quo legislation to make life more expensive for working people the number of abortions goes up.
I suspect the opposite is true also. I wonder how many women decided to have their a baby since the ACA passed because now they know they can afford the healthcare costs.
Someone should do some research on that. The information would be very interesting.
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Because the USA is run by hateful greedy repubs.
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But being pregnant was a big deal when Roe v Wade passed. Many women still hid and ran away when pregnant. Now it’s okay to be single and have a baby. Times & attitudes change.
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the author took the long way to arrive at the conclusion, but that gives the reader an idea of the things that do go through your mind, and the variables you weigh.have kids when you are young, wait, or don’t have kids. no right path, no wrong path.
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This is directed to Ester…
For me, the salient questions raised in the body of your personal opinion piece are:
- ''Did the ticking of the fabled biological clock begin to drown out
the panic about being forced into parenthood too soon?"
No.
- ''Did financial situations improve?"
No.
- ''Relationships stabilize?"
I guess they must have stabilized.
You see, we were in our mid-20s. We both agreed to conceive and be responsible for our child. We have been together 46 years come April. Our one and only child is now a world traveled man of 40. We are proud Grandparents of a Grandson of 13 and a two year-old Granddaughter.
Ester, you being a fine writer of poetry will most likely understand this. I wrote the following words during those early years, 1970 to be exact and they still hold true today.
Sunshine –
In my mind.
Sunshine –
Or rain is fine.
Good life!
Plenty of time.
Got that feeling.
Just walk that line.
Never leave it behind.
Sun shine –
We are very, very fortunate.
Great article Ester.
~OGD~
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Personal decisions should be just that, personal. Not dictated by some ideology as a one-size-fits-all religious matter.
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I started later in life than most and I have three children ranging from 16 to 21 years old. I think optimism did play a part in my own enthusiasm for being a Father. But In my case there was an even stronger sense, or maybe an awareness, which didn’t hit me until I was in my late 20’s, that my own parents had given me a tremendous gift. I began feeling that it was time to pass that gift on.
That was my tipping point.
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I’ve been spending some time on ancestry dot com. My mother’s mother eloped at 17 and died 5 years later, on my mother’s first birthday, from a self inflicted abortion. My mother was the youngest of four children born in those 5 short years.
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