Phil Roberston
Duck Commander
117 Kings Lane
West Monroe, LA 71292
March 25, 2015
(via email)
Dear Mr. Robertson,
I’m a big fan of “Duck Dynasty” and you, your family, your faith and your values. And like you, I’m a committed Christian who can understand how you might take some delight in imagining horrible and violent acts happening atheists who had done nothing wrong (except not believe).
Still, some of your comments Friday at the Vero Beach Prayer Breakfast were a bit over the top. I was there.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s FINE to fantasize about a family of atheists, at home, minding their own business when suddenly their house is invaded by some crazed evildoers who tie up the dad then rape and kill young daughters in front of him – and decapitate his wife, and then cut off his penis before sending him to meet his maker, too. I can see how that would be a nice little just-desserts daydream for a Godly person.
But good grief, man, you should keep that shit to yourself, and for your own pleasure, rather than announce it AT A PRAYER BREAKFAST. For Heaven’s sake, the stale biscuits and industrial coffee at those things are hard enough on the stomach. You don’t want to make it worse with revolting imagery of sex crimes, blood, gore and a family torn asunder.
These fantasies are kind of like masturbation, you know? You enjoy that in private, not in public, lest you come across as some kind of fiend, especially with the pedophilia aspects. Did you notice how the crowd stopped laughing and giggling when you turned to that stuff? I’d bet you’ve never heard an atheist talk with barely suppressed glee about seeing a family of Christians torn apart by a pack of hungry wolves, or anything like that.
All of which is to say, tone it down a little, brother. Give those prayer breakfast crowds a little prayer, and maybe a heartwarming story about the role the Lord played in your latest hunting expedition. Bash on Obamacare all you want, too. That’ stuff is always more palatable than raped and murdered young girls.
(Even if they were atheists.)
Yours in Jesus,
Arthur Mofodopoulis
748 21st Street
Vero Beach, FL 32960