The Political Wisdom of International Supergenius Ivanka Trump
“We have nothing to fear but the fear of being sued by other shoe companies for making cheap Asian knock-offs of their designs.”
“Trust - but Spotify!”
“If you can’t stand the heat, take a dip in the Olympic-sized swimming pool Daddums had built for me after I finished all of the required plastic surgery he demanded.”
“Religion is the opium of the masses, but if I get caught with a kilo of smack in the trunk of my Mercedes I won’t spend a minute in prison because I’m a skinny blond white girl with a rich father.”
“Read my lips - no new collagen injections until Trumpcare is passed!”
“People really don’t need to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. Just do like I did - marry a rich, corrupt slumlord!”
I keep waiting for Merkel to say, in German, “Who is this bitch, anyway?!”
And I cannot wait for the anonymous quotes from people at the G20, because you fucking KNOW that people are PISSED about this action by Trump. I really wish one of the attendees would send their 13-year-old nephew to sit at the table in their place while playing a Nintendo Switch and sending emojis to his friends from his smart phone.
I can’t imagine George P doing it under Dubya. Or Jeb doing it in '90 under Poppy. There is no bottom with these people. Was Tillerson too busy eating a big hoagie in the other room?
When Putin takes Trump for everything we’ve got and THEN publicly humiliates him, it isn’t just funny for us, or great for the Russian domestic audience. Everyone in the world sees who has the real power. Russia stops being a gas station with nukes and becomes a country that can deliver anything America can deliver by snapping its fingers for Fat Gollum.
This is the thing, though. I doubt they are pissed.
Every country in the G20 knows how to handle corrupt tinpot dictatorships. You handwave the eccentricities of the dictator’s family, keep them well-greased and then pick over the corpse of their country for whatever you can get.
I’m sure there was a moment where Angela Merkel felt a pang of loss for a world order that had avoided WWI/WWII scale conflagrations for 70 years. But at this point, we are on the menu and there’s no point letting good meat go to waste.
Well, she did earn a seat at the table. After all, the G20 is about trade, and Ivankadonk is the representative of the United States Silicone Industry.
The other countries are annoyed, but mostly they take this as confirmation of what they already knew. And probably there’s a joke going around that at least no one on either side had to worry about being groped for a little while.