Discussion: ICE: Our VOICE Hotline ‘Was Not Disrupted’ By Calls About Real Aliens

TPM Article Topics
1
ICE: Our VOICE Hotline ‘Was Not Disrupted’ By Calls About Real Aliens ICE: Our VOICE Hotline ‘Was Not Disrupted’ By Calls About Real Aliens Back to article
1 Like
2

Hostile Take Over.jpg800×600 47.5 KB

8 Likes
3

Well, Donnie is the Area 51 of American Presidency’s, so there is a nice symmetry to it.

6 Likes
4

Coverup! Rosewell! ROSWELL!!!

4 Likes
5

5 Likes
6

What a great idea. Having neighbors turn on each other. What could possibly go wrong??

It’s got a nice Nazi era overtone to it.

13 Likes
7

14 Likes
8

Attics and crawl spaces will have to be forbidden.

7 Likes
9

“When Zeta Reticuli sends its Reptilians, they’re not sending their best. They’re bringing abductions. They’re bringing anal probes. They’re shapeshifters. And some, I assume, are good 8’-tall, lizard-like humanoids.”

28 Likes
10

Wait, Donnie is already here, they’re covered…

4 Likes
11

:joy:

(-.-) (_ _) (-.-) // ********** I bow in your direction. Bravo!

13 Likes
12

I hope you dropped your keyboard and walked away. You won it again today. Just like every day. Bravo!!!

7 Likes
13

C’mon, people! These rats aren’t gonna fuck themselves.

Call ICE and report your illegal abduction by grey aliens from Betelgeuse.

8 Likes
14

I didn’t ask for the anal probe. I didn’t ask for the anal probe. I didn’t ask for the anal probe. Whichever line reading is more likely to get me the role, that’s the one I’ll go with.

@Lacuna-Synecdoche An ICE crew walked into a Starbucks I was in and they looked like the bad hombres DiJiT harps on, big, muscular thugs, weapons hanging on their belts, scared the poop out of me, and I’m a citizen. Imagine being the target of this crew.

6 Likes
15

Yeah, this is pretty much a hotline to report the suspected undocumented. That’ll go over well. It’ll be constantly jammed packed with stupid calls reporting that Muslim-y cab driver who charged too much.

10 Likes
16

“You think we don’t screen those bulls*** I married an Anchor Alien calls?” ICE Spokesman Tracy Klujian1 replied.“The only unhinged paranoid wackos who have the clearances to get through to our Friendly Counselors2 are the Republicans in Congress. Even the White House staff have to go through Jared’s Office.”

1-Mr. and/or Ms. Klujian appears through special arrangement with the Borowitz Organisation
2-Courtesy Has-Been Labor Secretary Elaine Chao

1 Like
17

If ET aliens were real, there would be much more evidence. For example, half the Trumpp campaign and transition staff would have received money from the aliens, and there would be numerous sightings of humanoids with skulls shaped like Roger Stone’s.

3 Likes
18

Hear, hear!!

4 Likes
19

Say that again two more times, please.

7 Likes
20

Hahaha! Just like the 911 calls that the pizza order was wrong.

4 Likes